


Phan: Hypnotic

by phan_trash_1



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 13:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7894105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phan_trash_1/pseuds/phan_trash_1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell and Phil Lester were friends. They were. Until Dan...changed. Dan started acting...a bit odd around Phil. At first, Phil didn't pay attention to it, but then he couldn't ignore it when Dan started sitting on his lap or grabbing for his hand in a crowded situation. 'What's wrong, Dan? You're so...different.' "What do you mean, different? I'm still me. Just...a better me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I wake up as usual. I feel the same, for the most part. My neck aches a bit, but nothing much. I get up as usual, as well. I dig through my wardrobe, looking for something comfortable to wear. When I find it, I throw the clothes on my bed and then wander out into the hall. His door is already open, which means he's already awake. I wonder how long for.

"Oh! Good morning, Dan! You slept quite late today. Anything the matter?" Phil's sudden, excited voice made me jump a little.

"Jesus, Phil," I say with mock agitation, "could you yell any louder? I just woke up, for Christ's sake." I laugh softly with him as he hands me a bowl of cereal and takes up his own in his other hand. We walk together to the couch and sit down at the same time. Only he's on the other side of the couch. This small fact annoys for some reason. I don't exactly know why, but it does, so I scoot closer to him on the couch as he turns on the TV to put on the anime we've been watching together recently. As I scoot closer, he doesn't even seem to flinch. Interesting.

But he does murmur something quietly. "D-Dan...you're pretty...close..." He doesn't seem flattered as much as he seems...disgusted. Uncomfortable. Unhappy with the new seating position. I scoff.

"Uh, yeah, I am. I can be closer if I want to be. You're not the couch police." I intend to laugh nonchalantly, but it comes out sort of nervous. He gives me a weird look, but then goes back to looking at the TV and eating. I do the same after staring at him for a bit.  _Why am I so...awkward? I mean, I don't even know why him sitting on the other side of the couch annoys me. It shouldn't, and yet it does. What is this, love?_


	2. Chapter 2

He gets up at the end of our breakfast meal and anime-watching mysteriously. For some reason, he got...closer to me on the couch. Physically closer. I shudder as I think of what could happen if he gets close like that again. But he immediately bolts into his room and closes the door softly behind him, as if out of courtesy towards me as to not cause alarm.

So, I walk alone to the sink and grab his bowl, my bowl, and a variety of other dishes one-by-one and load them into the dishwasher. When I'm finished, I turn around to see him staring at me as I was bent over. "Y-yes, Dan? What would you like? And what are you staring at?"

No response. But then again, no blush or natural signs of nervousness. A special actor. One born for the role of, well, himself. He was born for the stage, and at this point, everything in his life, even his personal feelings, are an acting exercise or a play. Certainly, he is a wonderful actor, better than others older and younger than him, including me. Certainly. Because he knows how to hide even basic human emotion that goes back thousands of years.

"Nothing," he says perfectly calmly and even with an air of dignity, "I wanted to hurry to help you, but you were already almost done." His hands slip into the pockets of some thin, tight leggings he had on. His hair wasn't straightened and he had a baggy black shirt on and black painted nails. An outfit made for him to lounge around in, not for making videos or going outside in. He wasn't going to help me. Or...was he? Truly, a special actor. So special that even his best friend cannot distinguish between lies and truth.


	3. Chapter 3

It is evening, and I am tired. I do not know what to do with my life. I never really have. The lonely pain and frustration I feel on a day-to-day basis gets harder to deal with each day. I try to look happy. I really do. I guess you could call me an actor,although I have never thought of myself as one. Yes, I have been in drama classes in school before, and plays seemed an integrated part of my life then. But it gets harder to act when you can never really stop acting. When your whole life turns into the newest Broadway play, and everything sounds so rigid and fake. Everything becomes so much more bleak. When you say 'I love you,' you never really seem to mean it. When you smile and hug someone, you never really feel cheered. Sure, the person receiving the hug or loving comment knows no different, but only because they never suffer quite like you. It is true that people suffer, but no one ever suffers just like another. Someone always has it worse than you do. It _is_  quite sad, when you think about it. If you feel lonely, someone is always lonelier. If you feel starved, someone is always hungrier. If you feel so sick you might die, someone is always closer to death. And if you think you are in pain, someone is always in more. How upsetting this world is. Where people are told they are 'free' or 'unique' or 'creative' or 'loved,' but none of us really are. We are always restricted by society. And it never gets better. I know very well that I will always be hated, despised, and tortured because of who I want to be and who I already am. Some people say that this society is getting better in terms of tolerance, but I don't think so. Because it is I who is always at the blunt end of those agreements. Everything in this society is done at my expense, and others like me. And at this point, I find it too much to handle.


End file.
